Tuesday 11 January 2011

Knitting and stitching and healing

Thank you for all the very comforting and revealing comments on my last post. 
Now I want to draw a line under that part of my life..lets call it a blip and hope thats what it is. We'll see.
Unfortunately I am still unable to get on with any meaningful sewing which as I said is rather worrying because this is the year  that the group I belong to are supposed to be exhibiting. I was full of inspiration for this poetry themed work when I returned from Ireland last Spring, but my ideas have fizzled away. They had to be put on hold so I could get on with brooches and tweed things to sell, and now I can't even sit and stitch a little heart or flower.
So I am finding life a bit boring. Thats a terrible admission. Wondering what to do with myself and longing for the urgency of being too busy and gripped by inspiration. 
I managed to kill half of Saturday getting a worm pill down the cats throat. I have played far too much facebook scrabble. I know how to spell words, the meanings of which are a mystery.

This is what I have been doing during my 'dark' time. Just for the sake of something mechanical and repetitive to concentrate on, I took two of my motifs and some felt and some hand threads and this is what I came up with.
I do like the felt with the addition of hand stitch, its quite soothing, but  I don't know what to make of this as a 'piece'.

Its about 10 inches by 6.
The colours are lovely on a small scale.
I like the combination of machine and hand sewn 'spots'.

 And dashes
 But does it have a presence in its own right? Is it worth continuing or is it merely a doodle?

My lovely friend Margaret traipsed into town and then to my house with wool and needles for me to have a bit of knitting on the go. Its been a life saver.
I'm not such a great knitter but I think I can manage 7 stitches a row. This is fun to do and apparently I can get two scarves from one ball. Its called 'rico can-can'. Google it if you want to know more.
Goodness....I'll be signing up for Ravelry next and I don't even know how to count rows.

Wednesday 5 January 2011

De Profundis

The title of this post is from a prayer I learnt at school. It is translated as 'Out of the depths'.
That is where I have been ..in the depths.
I had toyed with the idea of doing a follow up to the post called 'Pumped' with one called 'Slumped' but to be truthful, at the time I didn't even want look at my screen, or read anything on it.

Now I am  recovered but I feel that to remain honest in my blog I must tell the story.

Since the end of November until about two weeks ago I was in a black hole. I have just read the wikipedia definition  of A Black Hole and it works perfectly as a metaphor .

Medication initially made me feel so ill I thought I would never return, but  thankfully is now replacing whatever is missing chemically and making me feel better, positive, optimistic. I have even made an appointment to be referred to have my cataract fixed.

From inside the black hole, as black holes do, I absorbed the care and love of my family, my husband who must be the most patient man on the planet. He brought me small amounts of food and kept me going when I could eat next to nothing. He did the Christmas shopping. Cleaned the house while I opted out. Walked me slowly in the snow to get me out. Protected and cared for me. My Mother, 83,  came and ironed for me(..not that I cared about creases,) while I lay on the sofa.

My friends phoned and visited and watched me doing nothing. Supported me.  Felt group and Embroidery group friends e mailed, wrote and sent me cheery news. Told me not to worry. Sat and knitted while I sat and did nothing.

Church friends visited, prayed for me, the priest was amazing. When I went to Christmas Eve mass I was welcomed back warmly, lovingly.

My wider very far apart friends  spread the word amongst themselves, my college friends of 40 years . They supported me with emails, texts and phone calls.

And of course, my blog friends. Helen and her delightful daughter Polly drove 60 miles to visit me at home and brought me encouraging gifts as well as their loving support.
I had  many e mails from individuals enquiring where I was
 When I spilled the beans, you would be amazed at the number of fellow sufferers there are out there in blogland.

And that is why I am writing this.
Not to be dramatic, or to gain sympathy, but to show that when you think everyone else's lives are perfect, its only part of the story.

I don't even know what brought 'it' on . Nothing in particular but a series of minor negatives triggered a state of mind I hope I don't have again.

I am so thankful for my ordinary life at the moment.

Now I await the return of my desire to sew.
I have none at all at the moment and that is a worry.

st of my pictures can be enlarged by clicking on them.

Dear Anonymous.....

....don't waste your time...I have a spam filter.