Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Day 1 without Willow

So far its awful.
I know there are people out there with much more to grieve over and that its 'only a dog' but I can't begin to describe how bad I feel.
For the first time in 17 years there is no dog in the house.
When Daisy died we had Willow but now we have a big dog shaped hole, an empty chair, and two emboldened cats.

I was going to have a lovely blog anniversary post but all I need to say just at the moment is, thank you all so much for your kind and supportive comments yesterday. I realise I don't really know most of you but those comments and that support are the reasons that I love blogging so much.
I can't even be bothered with a picture at the moment but I may feel better later.

Its just the day for a walk.
It will be strange without my sidekick.

54 comments:

paddysdaughter said...

I feel for you Jackie, a good dog is so much more than "just a dog..." to me it is like losing a very close family member that cannot be replaced by another. How sad, take care, and savour the memories. Sue McB

Jules said...

Hi Jackie,
I hope you don't mind me posting a comment - I came accross your blog only yesterday and saw your footage of Willow and read your sad news and golly it made me cry!
I DO know exactly how it feels to loose your dog and I know about the hound shaped hole too and what a difficult thing that is.
Cry if that helps (I wept for days) and then begin to remember the funny things and all those cherishable moments and remember that Willow is there amoungst your memories forever.
My dear old Dad (who is a lay reader) kindly shared with me his image of our old dogs together in heaven "barking in sheer joy at being there, trying out their wings, bouncing off clouds and peeing on the pillars of mercury" - I hope you don't think that too irreverent of us, but it cheered me up a little!

Lynn said...

Its been 9 months since my Sabre boy had to be - here come the tears - well, you know, so anyway, gosh, can't even say what I want to. Big Hug to you -

whitney-anne said...

they are proper members of the family, I feel for you - i still miss my beloved cat. Will send good thoughts for you all long distance.

Greedy Nan said...

I'm thinking of you - I know what it can be like.

Jackie said...

Thank you Paddys Daughter, Jules..I don't know how to find you for a reply, that cheered me up. Lynne and Whitney Ann if you are reading, thanks.

verobirdie said...

Yes, they are just a dog or a cat. But also much more than that. They are always there when we are down.
I felt guilty for crying at the death of one of my cats. In fact, I was through hard times then, and her death let me express all my sorrow, for her as well as for other things, which I had kept inside. It was her last way to help me, by giving me a chance to vent, kind of!
Then, I gave the place left empty to another pet that needed it. It was my way not to forget her.

Jules said...

Hi again Jackie
Think I have managed to log in properly now.
I'm glad it cheered you up a little bit!

Chris said...

Thnking of you dear Jackie

Misafir (Ruth) Geldi said...

I have never had a dog, only a guinea pig, but there is no such thing as 'only' an animal. They all have spirits and characters too, so you would be less than human not to feel stricken. It is hard to express sympathy sufficient at the passing of one you love so many people may remain silent out of respect. But you do have everyone's sympathy, I am sure.

blackbird said...

It is so very hard. Give yourself time and extra care- grief doesn't follow a timetable and never has to be justified to anyone.

Each dog is so very different and fills your heart and home with their spirit. That spirit and love will continue to walk along with you for the rest of your life.

Michael House said...

Just read your posts about Willow Jackie, they have made me cry too, it is so hard to lose an animal. What a lovely video clip, the waggiest tail and happiest adventurer. One of our dogs, Sky, is 13, and it makes me tearful just to think of losing her, although she is leaping about for now. thinking of you. Vanessa

Jude said...

Hello Jackie, I know you don't know us but, does it matter? We have words, each single post I've read has words of condolence for you and your family. I particularly liked Jules's.
If I was you I'd be weeping buckets, don't worry about blogging, we'll still be here later.
I don't have any words just my heartfelt feelings of sorrow for you.
We nearly managed to drown Jose within the first week of having him, walked his legs off then expected him to know that a boat is surrounded in deep water...
and if you've read my blog lately, you will have noticed the new 'little monster' just doesn't do anything right(!!!)but how would I feel without him?? That's nothing to compare with 17 years of Willow, I can only try to imagine.
Take care
Thinking of you
x

Magpie's Mumblings said...

(((((Jackie))))

Victoria said...

Dear Jackie, for those that say, "only a dog", well they have never been blessed with a companion who loves so fully, devotedly and unconditionally as we have. Willow was of course more then "only a dog", she was a full member of your family, and it only makes sense that you will grieve deeply for her. I am so sad for your loss... I have braced myself and tried to prepare for Mo's passing so many times over the last 6 months, and still continue to do with this roller coaster ride she/we have been on. When the day actually does come, (which at times feels like it will be tomorrow, and other times ages away) I don't know how I will react anymore, (at this point I am almost numb from all of my emotions). I do know though that it will be very hard, and very, very lonely without her. Give yourself much love, and comfort, and let yourself be sad. Many tears may need to be shed, and that is fine. I believe that dogs go to heaven, and continue to love and watch over us. Maybe as you walk, you will feel Willow's presence by your side, as she offers you comfort. Thinking of you and sending you much love. xo

Gigibird said...

I am so sorry to hear such sad news.
My thoughts are with you.
x

connie said...

I am so sorry. There is something about the energy that a dog provides. There have been times in my life when I did not have a dog and I have to say there is a very big hole without those loving eyes.... Hang in there.

Gina said...

Jackie, it must be awful. I know how much I would miss Barley. They are so much part of the family, never just a dog. Still thinking of you. Gina xxx

Heather said...

Just take one day at a time and gradually you will be able to enjoy the happy memories. I have been in your shoes several times and it never gets any easier, but time does lessen the pain. Maybe one day you will find another friend - not to take Willow's place, but another pet who needs your love.

Genie said...

Take care Jackie and remember all the good times, dreading the day when it is time for our Misty dog,

cocoa and blankets said...

Oh Jackie I am so sorry, and I really understand...you ust feel terrible.....I have been so busy I havent been blogging and feel awful that I didnt know...thinking of you...H

LOVE STITCHING RED said...

Take your time ...

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Oh, Jackie. I am so very sorry to arrive here and see this news. There is nothing harder in the whole wide world. Please know that I am thinking of, and saying a prayer, for you. I wish I knew some magic words to make you feel better. But from sad experience, time really is the only healer. I should be of some comfort, however,that you gave Willow a happy life and a compassionate departure.

Much love.

Ruth said...

The Rainbow Bridge story
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together

I'm sure that my Buddy is waiting for me and I know that Willow is waiting for you as well.

Cathy said...

I've been praying for you. It's just so hard isn't it? I took one of our cairns in yesterday and he had to have emergency surgery. I was a nervous wreck and didn't do much at all ofr my daughter's birthday. Our animals are our children too. You find yourself saying there's my girl or boy not there's my dog. And they love us unconditionally. They are the perfect child in so many respects. You've lost your baby and you need time. Give it to yourself.

Mary said...

Dear Jackie...I'm still thinking of you. I know how sad you are. I too have felt that pain, that incredible loss that at the moment feels overwhelming. They are not "just dogs" - they are much better and much more important than that. They love completely and unconditionally. They listen to our yammering, our boo hooing, our complaints with bright eyes and a wagging tail. They are not just dogs, they are best friend, they are exercise encourager, they are snack eating helper, they are our confidant, they are everything. I understand. Your pain will ease with time and your fond memories will be back, hang in there.

maggik1 said...

I agree with everything that's been said here, Jackie. Do give yourself time. You'd cry for a friend, wouldn't you? Willow was a family member too - you're allowed to cry.
Love, Margaret

Clucking about said...

Oh Jackie l was thinking of you all last night.Crying is better out than in,tho your face gets so red, it sort of makes you calmer inside, when your all cried out.sending you much love.xx

Joei Rhode Island said...

Oh, Jackie, I've had computer disconnect for almost a week now. I am soooo sorry to read your story of Willow.
The hardest thing we do as humans is to let go of those we love.
A Special Dog always gives us more then we really know. Hold tight to those happy memories of love...
Joei

Dot said...

It must be so hard to know dear Willow is gone. And the grief over a beloved pet and family member can be as strong as losing any one close to you.

I am sending you much love. I know Willow was cherished and had the best life with you and your family.

Take good care and be gentle on yourself. In time the pain will ease and your memories will be happy ones. No doubt dear Willow is up there in doggy heaven finding another river to run by.

Sending huge hugs from across the pond.

Dot xx

Julie said...

Willow is never 'just a dog'. You have lost a companion and friend and a member of your family and you will feel awful but you will be able to remember the happiness in time. Have a big hug from me in the meantime and look after yourself. {{{}}} xx

Carol said...

I'm so sorry Jackie... I know first hand that losing your dog or a beloved pet is the worst thing we have to endure as pet owners. I found this poem:

WORDS FROM A BELOVED PET

"Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you . . . I loved you so - 'twas Heaven here with you."

Much love
Carol

baronvonrolo said...

She was never 'Just a dog' she was a member of family and the best friend anyone could ask for.

She will be greatly missed and never forgotten too..

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Fin.x

MargaretR said...

I'm so sorry Jackie. What more can anyone say? Jules has said it all for me.

Diana said...

Jackie, I'm so sorry. I do know this pain and to me, it's the worst kind. I went through it a year ago and it's inevitable at some point again in the future. All I can say is that the depth of your grief honours Willow - the love you shared and the years you spent together. Try to see it as the small price you pay for that wonderful relationship. In time, the intensity of your sadness will lessen - and Willow will live on forever in your heart.
Diana x

chrissythreads said...

Willow wasn't 'just a dog' - She had become part of your being and always will be. Give me animals very time- they're loyal, loving and will never mean to hurt you. Sometimes I think the world would be a much better place with them in charge. Over the years I've said goodbye to many much loved companions -ones I have held as they've been born and as they have died and everyone still has part of my heart. 2 years ago I kissed goodbye to a 17 year old yorkie that had been my mothers and came to live with us on her death,losing him was like losing my mum all over again but I can still feel him near, but I still have the joy of my other cats and dogs including an 18month old bundle of trouble yorkie cross. Cry all you want- you are bereaved. the hole in your heart will heal but there will always be a scar and one day Willow will send you another friend I'm sure.

Julia said...

So sorry to read about your loss Jackie.My thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Julia x

WendyCarole said...

No Willow wasn't "only a dog" but a well loved member of your family
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Annica said...

So sorry to hear about Willow...
Sending you a big hug.

Lesley's Creations said...

Willow was a special member of your family and you must feel a huge gap. Its a horrible empty feeling. Sending you even more big hugs!!! xx

soggibottom said...

So sorry!
We lost our first dog many, many years ago, and the feeling of her not at my side is still there.

Izabela said...

I am so sorry to read it! 17 years it is a lifetime... that is really really sad and I hope you will start feeling better very soon... this must have been beautiful relationship between you and her so time to be proud and happy of...

take care
x

rivergardenstudio said...

I am so sad you, I am almost crying myself. Take care. Roxanne

Kim said...

I am so sorry Jackie, that dog-sized hole is awful. It has been two years for me, and still hurts. I hope you have those you love around you for support, though nothing takes away the sorrow. The good memories will eventually outweigh the sorrow, but it takes awhile. Strength and love to you now.

GraceBeading said...

Bless you. I couldn't even see through my tears to comment on your last post, I know that pain too well. It's not 'only a dog', it's unconditional love and support for so many years that's now gone. You have every right to grieve and bawl your head off. I hope your good memories of your faithful companion keep you company and make you smile.

Shelly said...

Oh my heavens, Jackie !! So sorry to hear Willow has passed away. There is nothing to describe the heaviness of heart when you lose a pet. It is definitely not just "a dog". My thoughts and prayers are with you. May your memories soon bring you comfort.
:-)
Shelly

Helen said...

Hello, its Helen Cutts, Fin said that Willow had passed away and I just thought I'd say I'm sorry and that I'm thinking of you all. I'm currently in Tanzania so I can't drop by to say hello but I want you to know that I would if I could. I know it's been a while since I saw you but I still think of you all.
Lots of love, xxx

Jackie said...

Dear Helen! Thank you. How lovely to hear from you. We are all very sad but its getting better. Thank you so much for taking time out in Tanzania(!) to get in touch. I wish I could reply personally but I hope you are reading this.
Lots of love
x

sesga loves 1950s said...

Im so so Sorry to hear your bad news ,Sending you a big hug .
Love from sesga xx

Judy Martin said...

Dear Jackie
Please let me add my condolences to the many you have received all ready. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sandy said...

People who say "only a dog" have missed so much in life that I would feel sorry for them if I didn't hole that against them. My companion is my most special friend. I'm so sorry about Willow. It will take a long time to fill the hole.

From This Moment to That said...

It made me cry too....I feel for you all so so much. It is so very hard when we loose one our dearest pets. I still weep when I think of our dear Henry our oldest cat who died last month too, after 19 years with us.

Wabbit said...

She was a huge part of your life and not "just a dog" (and isn't that just a horrible phrase and attitude?!). She was important to you and to your family and therefore she was a very special creature! I cried for your loss as I watched the video of her trotting through the stream.

The only bad thing about dogs is that their lives are way too short. I'm so sorry for you and your family. Your grief is a measure of your love for her.

sesga loves 1950s said...

shows how loved you are look at all thaese lovely comments .
Love from sesga xx



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